The Bright Distracting Fish

The mediocre marine biologists of the British media are once again over excited about the behaviour of the Boris Fish. It's just the same shitty water.

Previously: The cockwomble industrial complex

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I am not going to write about the Privileges Committee report into Boris Johnson’s conduct. I’ve read it. I don’t need to relitigate its many pages to tell you something you already know: He is a bad politician, a morally abhorrent man, a tedious clown, and a habitual liar. As I’ve written before if lying was an Olympic event, he’d be the Usain Bolt of unnecessary and kneejerk bullshitting.

Johnson lies so thoroughly, constantly, and deeply that he believes the deceptions he constructs even as some other aspect of him knows they are not. He should never have been an MP, let alone Prime Minister. The press and the wider media enabled his rise and rise and rise and clumsy and cheap fall.

For years, we were told that Boris Johnson was astounding, extraordinary, and Churchillian — another man who was a monster to women and people of colour — and that he was a master of Latin, Classics, and oratory. Now, the same columnists, commentators, and publications are pretending his fall is a tragedy — in any sense of that word — and a drama worthy of minute discussion.

This edition is short for one reason: Boris Johnson doesn’t deserve much more.

Johnson is a bright and distracting fish and the marine biologists of the media tell us constantly that he is the most special creature in Westminster’s murky aquarium. But he is merely one horrible specimen swimming in circles and shitting in the water. The truly powerful, the truly malign glide quietly onwards, large and yet barely noticed, consuming public money and resources with an effortless greed like vast whales taking in krill.

The bright fish will dominate the discourse for days and then weeks and then years; it will be given a new luxurious fish bowl to swim in. The whales will chuckle to themselves, happy at the distraction.

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