If BBC News reported on Rupert Murdoch’s companies like they report on it

It's satire, yeah?

A battle is underway for the future of News Corp. The question is whether the corporation sticks to its traditional values of lying, distortion, and deception, or whether it starts actually accepting the material realities of existence, like climate change, changes in interpersonal relationships, and more sexual and gender identities than mummy and daddy in a nice big house.

The corporation’s former whipping boy and professional dunce, James Murdoch, gave a glimpse of what’s at stake when he decided to resign. He has made it clear that his family’s continuing enthusiasm for watching the world go up in flames as long as the line continues to go up and they get richer is… a problem. Of course, his own morality is up there with that of an alleycat considered by his own flea-bitten moggie mates to be ‘a bit much’, but I suppose we should still give him a scintilla of credit for operating independently of his father’s hand shoved up the back of his shirt.

The bigger challenge for News Corp — and particularly its UK news brands like The Sun, The Times, Times Radio, and Talk Radio — is that it risks becoming unable to exploit culture wars for views and profit. The nakedness of its attempts to turn every small issue into a fissure in the fabric of society and community cohesion is becoming so stark that it’s like being slapped with a cat-o-nine-tails made of flaccid cocks on a daily basis. Now, you might pay for that in a speciality establishment, but it’s hardly a good reading experience when you’re having a morning coffee.


Many of the most ardent supporters of News Corp and particularly Rupert Murdoch, who they worship like a desiccated god, are worried. I’ve spoken in recent months to a whole range of race-baiting, other people’s sexuality-obsessed, warmongering columnists and they all say the same thing: Please keep paying me to write the same three columns week in week out, year after year. Please! I need to feed my family and retain a level of bien-pensant acceptability amongst the same group of 100 people that we are all friends with.

The hard left doesn’t like the News Corp. The hard-right get practically tumescent at the sound of blasts from a dog whistle collection so extensive that Rupert Murdoch should open a kennel for racist rovers.

However, what bother insiders at News Corp is that the gravy train looks close to derailing, sending the delicious meat juice spilling everywhere, and leaving the passengers — most importantly the precious columnists — to fend for themselves in the apocalyptic wastelands where even people without byline pictures and a sinecure granted by Pope Murdoch are allowed to have opinions, write them down, and publish them on the internet. Insiders are especially worried that News Corp might soon be expected to reflect the views of the entire UK. It’s a horrifying thought.

To see the terrible column I patterned this edition of the newsletter on, go here.